Autumn has long come into its own, it freezes on the street no worse than in Narnia during the reign of the White Witch, and the mood of others is not at all romantic. So, it's time to talk about some of the pitfalls and dark sides in a relationship. One of them is manipulation. What is it?
What is Psychological Manipulation?
This is a hidden psychological trick with which a person tries to change your behavior or perception of things in their favor. The bad news is that you can be manipulated for years without realizing it. In a toxic relationship, this is generally very difficult to recognize, because all these techniques seem to be something familiar and commonplace: “Manipulations? Yes you! We always communicate like that. There is also good news - if you really decide to deal with this, you can not only detect the manipulator, but also protect yourself from such things in the future.
Where do manipulators come from?
The simplest example is a child, already realizing that his mother will do anything to calm him down, begins to sob bitterly, trying to achieve what he wants - harmful candy or an expensive toy. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Yes, each of you must have done something similar in childhood. There is even a theory that the American writer Joe Duncan actively supports. It lies in the fact that all manipulators are just children at heart. And in order to interact with them correctly, you need to address just the “inner child”, and not the outer adult mask. Behind her hides a wounded kid who cannot forgive someone's actions in the past and is now playing out on others.
But psychologist Harriet Breaker claims that they become manipulators for a number of other reasons: from boredom and fatigue to the need to advance their own goals and achieve a sense of superiority over people.
What else can you manipulate?
1. Feelings
This can be a feeling of guilt and resentment when the manipulator tries on the role of the victim; a feeling of anger when you are deliberately brought to the mirror emotion. Even love can be manipulated - when your refusal is immediately answered “Don't you love me? Now, if you love, you will definitely do it!"
2. Actions
Silence or ignorance to lower the person's self-esteem or simply put pressure on them. The rule of mutual exchange - the manipulator provides you with a small service, seemingly free of charge, but in fact with the expectation that later on asking for something more ambitious.
3. In words
There is both destructive and unfounded criticism that works flawlessly, especially on sensitive people. And vice versa - the principle of positive motivation. By itself, positive motivation is a useful thing if you use it for good. But manipulators have long learned to use it for their own purposes and can praise you for those actions that benefit them, but not you and society.
How to protect yourself?
When you have exposed the manipulator, it is worth understanding how to proceed. It is easier and more correct, of course, to break off relations with him. But this solution is not suitable for everyone. After all, such a person in the environment may be not only a new acquaintance, but also a close childhood friend or even someone from the family. Here you won't be able to break all ties, and you probably won't want to. The first thing you can try to do in this case is to ignore attempts to pry you. Do not pay attention, translate the topic, do not react with aggression to aggression. There is a chance that after several such passes, the manipulator will simply tire of wasting his precious energy.
The second technique is consent and acceptance. People like this feed on drama, so whatever you objection will inspire them. They can be confused by a peace-loving one: "Yes, of course, you are right." If you feel that communication is reaching a dead end, leave. If the person is really close to you, honestly talk to him about your concerns. Remember that communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship.
