Do perfectionists have a good life? At first glance, yes. Often these are very successful and rich people. Their dedication to excellence, attention to detail and orderly lifestyle can only be admired. Such individuals set the bar high and sometimes achieve incredible results. There are many perfectionists among famous people. For example, Steve Jobs is one of the founders of Apple Corporation, German philosopher Nietzsche, pop diva Madonna and many other actors, scientists and athletes. Their life is constantly associated with setting high goals and achieving them. Their activities are under close public scrutiny.
However, we see only the external component of the success of these people. And what is there, on the other side, which we do not see? Unfortunately, the reality is that they are often alone with themselves unhappy, lonely, suffer from depression, insomnia and permanently experience a sense of anxiety.
Is perfectionism a character trait or is it a mental disorder? Maybe so and so. Some researchers divide it into:
- healthy (positive) - when a person sets ambitious, but achievable goals, is able to adequately implement them. Does not go to extremes, to excessive, destructive self-criticism. And most importantly, he feels satisfaction from the fruits of the work done.
- destructive (negative) - when a person raises the bar so that its achievement becomes impossible. Accordingly, any result is seen as not ideal and the person experiences deep disappointment, and subsequently neurosis and depression await him.
The line between healthy and painful striving for perfection is very fragile and any psychological impulse can destroy it. To understand the nature of this phenomenon, you need to understand its origins. It is believed that the cause may be a genetic predisposition. However, scientists have yet to prove it. Nevertheless, even if we assume that some people are prone to perfectionism from birth, psychologists have determined what social factors influence its development.
Adult perfectionism begins, of course, in childhood. Namely - in the family, in how the relationship between parents and children develops.
If the parents:
1. Set too strict rules that must be adhered to. Clearly define the boundaries of "right" and "wrong" behavior.
2. Make excessive demands on the child, which he is not able to fulfill.
3. Expect more and criticize for not meeting their expectations. They do not accept and even reject the child because of mistakes.
4. Demonstrate love only for accomplishment and perfect fulfillment of something.
5. Comparison with other children is not in favor of their own.
6. They are tightly controlled.
That such a child constantly needs the approval of others. He grows painfully self-critical and any mistake leads to strong feelings. He carries all these qualities with him into adulthood, not even always realizing that they prevent him from feeling himself a happy and self-sufficient person.
