There is hardly a person who did not have to make excuses even in trifles. But what lies at the heart of the desire to justify themselves, why do many people so persistently try to prove their innocence, innocence to some event or its accident, unintentionalness?
Few people in childhood did not have to make excuses to their parents or educators for some kind of offense. For a child, the desire to avoid punishment for pranks is quite natural and understandable, but for many people the habit of making excuses persists for life. Such a person, in his characteristic hypertrophied manner, was perfectly described by Nikolai Vasilyevich Gogol in the story "The Death of an Official". Having accidentally sneezed at the general sitting in front of him, the hero of the story, Chervyakov, tries to justify his misdeed. Anyone who has read this story knows what this ultimately led to - the official is dying.
So what is the basis of the desire to be justified? There may be several reasons. The first, the most obvious, is a person's desire to shield himself, to evade responsibility. Prove that he is completely innocent of what happened. This is the case when a person does not admit his very involvement in an event that has occurred. He is ready to shift responsibility to anyone, so long as he does not himself answer for the misconduct.
A more difficult situation is when a person really committed some kind of offense, admits it and tries to explain why he did this. It is widely believed that if a person justifies himself, it means that he is to blame. The origins of this opinion lie in human psychology - even if a person is absolutely innocent and he managed to prove his innocence, some unpleasant aftertaste still remains. That very famous "There is no smoke without fire." The well-known technology of denigrating a person in the media is built on this principle: they write deliberate lies about him, and even if he succeeds in justifying himself, his reputation will be greatly undermined. A person who makes excuses unwittingly loses respect in the eyes of others, therefore, it is worth making excuses as rarely as possible. But are there situations where an excuse, or rather an explanation, is desirable?
First of all, it is important to understand what drives a person to make excuses. Very often, this desire is based on an ordinary ego - a person is worried about what others will think of him, how they will perceive his offense. The counterbalance in this situation is humility. It doesn't matter what they think of you, whether you are guilty or they are being blamed on you - accept it. An exception can only be made if there is no excuse, but the explanation of your action will benefit those with whom you are talking. Try to explain to the person his mistakes, his delusions in this situation, but only if you see that you can be heard. If they don't hear or just don't want to hear, humble yourself and leave everything as it is. And this will be the best way out of the situation. Truth always triumphs, a resigned person necessarily wins. You should act as simple as possible: blame - just apologize, but do not start making excuses, explaining the reasons for your action. It's not your fault - accept it. Do not argue, do not prove your innocence. Especially if we are not talking about a life and death situation, but about some banal everyday situations.
