Let's say your friend is facing a serious problem and you want to support him. How to behave in order to really help, and not make his troubles worse?
Instructions
Step 1
The first thing to do is listen carefully. Take your time with tips and comments. This is exactly what professional psychologists do. Reassure your boyfriend (girlfriend) that you are ready to give him enough time that everything said will remain between you, and listen. If he wants to cry, let him cry, if he gets angry, then let him scream a lot. At such moments, expressions like “calm down” are even more infuriating. Emotions need a way out. Endure the storm and heed what is said.
Step 2
Learn to listen correctly. This will come in handy in many situations. And the rules themselves are pretty simple:
- do not interrupt;
- show your interest;
- insert short cues like: "aha", "uh-huh", "yes-yes", etc.;
- ask clarifying questions.
Step 3
There is a misconception among people that when they complain to us about something, they certainly want advice, instructions for action. But more often than not, this is not the case. People turn to us for sympathy and approval. If a person is looking for a solution, he does it within himself. Simple "exits" floating on the surface usually do not work or do not work in a particular situation. Complaining about a drinking husband, a woman is not ready to part with him. Deep down, she realizes that this will not solve all of her problems.
Step 4
When asked to give your opinion, refrain from giving directions. Better ask questions. Moreover, the more correctly you choose the questions, the more useful you can be. “What do you think? And why did he behave this way? How do you feel about this? What do you think is the most acceptable way out?"
Step 5
Only at the end of the conversation can you share your personal experience, recommend reading a book related to this problem, and give some practical advice. If you don't know what to say, that's okay. What you have heard is already enough to make a person feel better. Very often, the solution to a problem comes as if by itself in the course of a conversation. And there is an explanation for this: expressing thoughts out loud, we give them a clearer form, follow the logical chain of their development, try not to be distracted by extraneous and secondary ones.
Step 6
Even if you are seriously interested in psychology, do not make diagnoses. Do you think you need the help of a psychotherapist? Offer to contact him, but do not play doctor. Don't forget about non-verbal language as well. Taking by the hand or hugging, you seem to say: "I am with you, I am near, you are not alone."
