It seems that betrayal (it does not matter, spiritual or physical) is not death or even a disease, but it causes such pain that sometimes you think, "It would be better if this person died than changed!" But what happens to the one who has changed? Sometimes the cheaters themselves execute themselves no less.
Instructions
Step 1
First of all, if you are extremely sincerely repenting of what you have done and are sure at least that from now on you will make every effort to never betray your loved one again (provided that he remains loved), do not talk about the betrayal! Do everything possible and impossible so that information does not reach him. You can consider this concealment a lie, but the moral crime has already been committed, you will have enough self-criticism for the rest of your life. With the initial “to keep the relationship (family, love)”, it hardly makes sense to hurt someone who is nearby.
Step 2
Did you manage not to tell, not to betray, the relationship is intact? Now forget the episode yourself. This is especially important not to cultivate feelings of guilt, otherwise the love that can still be preserved will become torture for you. Without justifying your own weakness, explain to yourself what happened and influence the reasons. Why did you take this step? If the reason is a lack of sex in a marriage, talk to a life partner, consult with sex psychologists. The lack of attention was decisive? Your act will not increase your attention, you probably should think about how to interest your partner in yourself or teach him sensitivity. Remember the main thing, how and why you ended up together, because your love arose not only because you were given flowers or were ready to do a foot massage for days.
Step 3
If it is still necessary to confess to treason, think about all the possible consequences, since you will have to worry in essence, and not treason. Will you be understood in your impulse and intention to keep the relationship? If so, then you need to confess very carefully, but decisively, demonstrating a readiness for resentment and temporary cooling of feelings. Remember - even with the most understanding and forgiving partner, you and only you will have the maximum responsibilities to normalize life together. Or, being sure that understanding and forgiveness will not happen, you decided to end the relationship this way? In the second case, it is likely that no special experiences are foreseen on your part, so you should think about how not to repeat previous mistakes in a new relationship.
Step 4
The option remains that you feel a pang of conscience, regardless of whether your relationship is saved or ended. Self-complacency in this case will take place according to the scheme of acceptance that you probably know from books and serials: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, humility. The difference is that you have to accept not a fatal diagnosis, but yourself in order to become better, so the scheme will operate with some nuances.
Step 5
Do not deny what happened, you can't get away from the fact. Think of it as a test of willpower that you didn't pass, but it also opened up new training opportunities.
Step 6
Don't berate yourself too much. You are only human. Weigh the circumstances, understand that self-deprecation will not help anyone, but awareness and honest conclusions will surely help.
Step 7
At the bargaining stage, there will be a temptation to blame others for your own weakness: your spouse, lover (mistress), parents, friends … Despite the fact that the logic of events will always allow you to shift some of the blame onto someone, do not get carried away. Otherwise, self-justification will turn you into a victim of circumstances, ready to continue to change, since she is only a victim.
Step 8
Depression (not in a clinical sense) should not be prolonged. On the one hand, this is heavy indifference, on the other, paradoxically, emotional rest. Don't let yourself be drowned in sadness and guilt, and don't indulge in indifference for too long. Everything has reasonable limits. Take the time to repair or strengthen your relationship.
Step 9
Humility does not mean that you can give up everything. Humility in this case is an exit to a new quality level of life. Cheating is a failed test, but overcoming your own guilt is a new test that cannot be failed. Try!
