The excitement of being intimate with another person is natural. This feeling has its own special charm, because it is not in vain that some men and women are looking for it on the side, having ceased to experience such awe with a close and familiar partner. Another thing is when the excitement develops into fear and does not give the opportunity to enjoy the closeness with the desired person.
Where does the fear come from?
Fear is an acquired sensation. People are born practically devoid of this feeling. It arises later, in the process of acquiring one or another experience, as a reaction to certain events. Therefore, before blaming oneself for shyness in front of intimacy, a person should analyze his previous experience in order to understand what he is actually afraid of. Fear has big eyes, perhaps the situation that took place in the past has long outlived its usefulness and, therefore, the current fears are unfounded.
The main reason for fears of intimacy lies in self-doubt. Interestingly, contrary to popular belief that this is an exclusively female "fad", now more and more men tend to worry about their appearance. There is nothing surprising. It is difficult not to doubt yourself when polished beauties and handsome men are watching from the TV screen, Internet pages, billboards, from everywhere. The technique has reached incredible heights, with its help, creating the illusion of an ideal appearance is a matter of a few minutes. But the point is, this is really just an illusion.
You can find fault with your shortcomings and try to imitate media stereotypes as much as you like, but bed is not a place for self-flagellation. If the relationship has reached intimacy, this suggests that the partners, at least, carefully examined each other and what they saw, they liked and aroused desire. This is a strong argument to believe that all doubts and fears at this stage of the relationship are unfounded.
Managing emotions
Being in intimate proximity, people cannot but feel the mood of each other. Excessive nervousness, fussiness and stiffness will be passed on to a partner who can take these manifestations of insecurity at his own expense and is also unlikely to be able to relax. It is necessary to realize that, most likely, the partner is also experiencing anxiety and how to prove himself in the best possible way interests him much more than the shortcomings of the other person.
If logical arguments do not help to overcome fear, psychologists advise to deal with the problem not with logic, but with emotions, using the presentation technique. The thing is that the human brain is unable to distinguish the presented events from the real ones. This means that a detailed visualization of the upcoming intimacy will enable the mind to believe that this has already happened, which means there is nothing to be afraid of.
In fact, fighting excitement is fighting windmills. The more efforts are made to hide your shyness, the more likely it is that fear will eventually prevail and prevent you from enjoying each other. It is better to recognize your right to feelings, including excitement, because this is natural. Sexologists as one argue that emotional closeness between people is the key to a successful intimate life. Sometimes shyness can be a signal that partners have not yet reached the proper level of mutual understanding and trust. In this case, haste can only do harm.
